Dear Andrew

My dear Andrew, you were born in a time when your country had a series of unfortunate events.  We are still reeling from the effects of  Typhoon Pablo (just in case there are international readers out there, the international name of this storm is Bopha).  This boxing, beauty contest, and (recently) Football crazy country also suffered big defeats. Manny "the PacMan" Pacquiao lost to long time rival, Juan Manuel Marquez, Miss Philippines was just 1st runner-up when everybody thought she would win, and lastly, our national football team, the Team Azkals lost their semi-final match to the eventual winners of the ASEAN Football Federation (AFF) Suzuki Cup, the Lions of Singapore.

All these unfortunate events seem now a memory of a distant past in our family because of your arrival.  You are our shining hope in the midst of the not so sunny news.  And just like your Kuya Jacob I have high hopes for your future because I know you will succeed because you will do everything to reach your goal as evidenced when  you cry bloody murder at night when we are all asleep and you want milk.  I am also sure you'll be famous someday because your first picture got around a hundred likes in Facebook!  You were just a few hours old yet you are already a star! On a much personal and selfish note, I am also very happy because you look a lot like me (or so your Lola Dolly said, I have not seen myself as a baby, of course).  Lola Dolly said, we share the same bushy hair and fairly red skin as a newborn.  We also have the same blood type, B+.  Your Kuya Jacob is very handsome, too, just like you but he looks like your mom.  I can only hope that you boys will not be heart breakers, just like your dad.

Kidding aside, my little one, I pray to God that He will bless you all the time and may He give us the strength and the wisdom to successfully guide you into becoming the intelligent and God-fearing man you are destined to be.  May he guide us in instilling in you the right values to help you become what you wanna be when you grow up.  I love you so much, my son.

PS

Kuya Jacob promised to share his toys to you, not just his old clothes.

Cebu Boy

It's been a while since we've began contemplating on bringing Jacob to Cebu.  With wife pregnant with second kid, we figured out that this was the right moment to have Jacob experience being "out of town" this far.  Otherwise, he has to wait until his future baby brother will be 3 years old.

As expected Jacob was ecstatic.  He was excited to be at the airport and ride a full size version of his favourite toy, an airplane.  He always go crazy seeing one in the sky.  He can't help but be excited when he saw the airplane up close from the waiting lounge.  I was a bit worried that he might freak out when he boards the plane because the last time he was asked to ride another full version of his favourite toy, a back hoe, he chickened out.  Thankfully, he did not.  We made sure we got really good seats (bulk head) so that if Jacob gets a little nauseated on the plane, there is little possibility we'll bother other passengers.  Again, Jacob was calm.  He wasn't even bothered at all by the change in the cabin's pressure.

We've visited quite a few places like the Imperial Palace Waterpark Resort, Amara, and my grandma's place.  Although I think Jacob remembers the visit to my relatives, but not as much as he remembers the  plane ride.  It's all that he ever talks about when we came back.  I'm glad that Jacob enjoyed his first plane ride and first visit to his ancestors' hometown.

Update

It's been a while since I last posted here in this blog and there are so many things that I need to update (hi to my two followers!).  For one, Jacob is getting really big.  He growls now.  Yes, he growls.  Like a lion.  It's kinda cute only that it's not because he growls when he is not pleased with us when we tell him no.  Either that or he flatly just tells us that we are not allowed to say "no".  Jacob finished toddler school last March and is going to be a Nursery student in our school (PLDC PreSchool).  Anyway, this will just be a quick update to say that I am going to be back blogging here.

Oh and Jacob will be a kuya soon.  My wife is 2 plus months on the way.

It's good to be back!

Happy 5th Wedding Anniversary...

Just as a meadow washed by rain
Is relit by the dawn,
So our love, as we grow old,
Will each day be reborn.

I'm getting a little bit rusty because nice as the aforementioned words may be, they are not mine. Sadly I was not able to research to whom I should attribute those words. Nevertheless, it is quite fitting to invoke such words on the occasion of our fifth wedding anniversary. As they say, marriage is not a bed of roses but no matter what obstacles come our way we will endure because the strength of our marriage is renewed every day. Our love is reborn every day. Our love is reinvigorated for each and every day we continue to honor our commitment to each other, for better or for worse.

I love you, Hon.

Happy Father's Day

It's just fitting for me to return to posting in this blog on Father's day. It is my third year celebrating Father's day and it's my first year to celebrate it without a father myself. With my father gone, a lot of things have changed specially with my mom and how she goes through her daily routine, she is coping. But one of the biggest change/development is that my son, is now going to school. My goal why I wanted Jacob to start going to school is for him to be able to socialize with kids his age. I would've like it more if there are classes for his age that is only 2 or 3 times a week. However, there is none so we had him enrolled in a 5-day school week (2 hours a day) at St. Martha's. So far he has learned and improved in his social interactions. He received stars for being "teacher" for the day and recognized as having done a good deed to his classmates like sharing.

To my father, happy father's day and to the little boy who made me a father, thank you.

Remembering My Father 40 Days After

He said he was tired and wanted to rest. He wept. He wept because the thought made him sad. At that point, death was not scary to him. He was tired of his illness and death would've been a welcome respite. Instead, he was sad. Sad because his grandson may not remember him in the future. Sad that he is not going to see Jacob grow up, his grandson who also bears his name, Carlos. Ever since I can remember, this was the only time he openly wept.

The love and devotion my father had for my son may seem out-of-character for those who did not know him well. Some of his friends may only remember him as a happy-go-lucky guy who drunk a lot. But for me, his son, I am quite familiar to this side of him.

My dad was a guy's guy. He almost never showed his emotions but when it came to being a loving dad, he never failed to shed his tough facade. The earliest memory I had of him was of me being carried on his shoulder. He only stopped carrying me on his shoulders when I reached grade one because I just became too heavy. One of my bonding moments with my father when I was younger was me stepping all over his back. He would ask me to give him a massage and this was how he wanted me to do it while we were watching TV together. It brings me tears remembering that because when his illness worsened, the only way he was relieved of the pain was to have someone massage his back with a mentholated liniment. Whenever I am around, this was his request of me.

I remember when I was already a young adult I kept on wondering why our neighbors were updated with what's going on with me despite the fact that i hardly get to talk to them. I later found out that it was my father who gave them a semi blow-by-blow account of my achievements and plans. He never said that he was proud of me to my face but he made it known to me by how much he proudly updated our neighbors and his friends about me. I even had to remind him to tone it down because it was embarrassing for me. Looking back, I should've understood better that that was the only way he know how to show how proud he was of me.

Not everything I did had the seal of approval from my father. My mother would end up telling me the very few times that he complained of my impertinence. But he never showed me that he was displeased of me. He never let me feel that I did something wrong. He was always supportive of me.

My father was a flawed man, far from perfect. I am not blind to these. In fact there are still things that I am discovering about my father that he kept from me. But please forgive me for glossing over these things, I have chosen to remember my father not by his faults but by how much love he showed me when he was still alive despite the fact that I am imperfect and flawed myself.

* * *

Dear Papang,

I am sad that you left us so early in Jacob's life. But don't worry, as your son, I will make sure that he will remember you. I will make sure that he will always know that you loved him so dearly. I will never tire of telling him that there is only one time that I know of that you wept, and that was about him.

I love you Pang and I miss you very much.

Love,

Bimbo

Four Years of Happiness

Hug is Love

One of the best lessons that was taught to Jacob, in my opinion, was teaching him to hug. He's been hugging ever since. I just need to ask him to hug me and he will oblige. Never mind if he's just doing it to follow "orders" but getting a hug from him is just a wonderful treat.

He doesn't just hug with his arms. His hug, which he also does when told to "love" someone, includes resting his head on wherever he is hugging you. So when he is told to "love" Papa, he hugs me with his arms and head. This just makes my day. Every night, before he goes to sleep, I always make sure to "order" him to give me a lot of hugs. And these make everything better no matter how my day went.

Of Lullabies and Jacob Growing Up

Jacob is now 1 year and 7 months. He has become a very cute toddler. He talks a lot, very loquacious. Except that I can hardly understand most of what he says. He is very intelligent. He knows how to "manipulate" us so that he can get his way. He shows all these attitude and crying to those people this kind of tactic would work. However, this will not work with me. Being intelligent, he already found a work around when it comes to me. Once he can't get his way with me, he would try this "I am hurt" look and then hugs me and plants a kiss on my cheek. Not even at my best would I not give in.

* * *

At 19 months I never thought that singing a lullaby would be an issue. I thought that since Jacob is older, a lullaby is out of the question. Big mistake. Not only that it is a required bed-time activity, there is only one specific song that he demands. Baby by Justin Bieber. It is safe to say that of all the songs, Baby is the most outrageous thing to ask me and Carmela to sing. Well, I probably will but Carmela is the most non pop music fan in the world. She's into what I consider cool music. We're left with no choice but to half sing half hum Baby. Please let there be no rapping!

I remember the time when any song would do. In fact, the very first lullaby that I sang to Jacob is my lullaby rendition of the Parokya ni Edgar classic, Don't Touch My Birdy. I know, I could have made a better choice but I did not have anything in my head when I did that. I was feeding him milk while rotating the milk bottle the way his pediatrician taught us to do it. At that point, singing was the last thing in my head. But Jacob seems to calm down when being sang to, so I did. And that song was the first thing I could come up with.

Another Milestone: Jacob's Baptism

Jacob is now a Christian. He had his baptism last March 22, 2009. Jacob was so behaved and just slept through the entire ceremony. I was thinking that he would be uncomfortable with the heat in San Pablo Church but he did not mind it. Welcome to the Christian world, my son.

Check Attendance

Jacob with my dad and mom taken using my Samsung Tocco

It's been interesting ever since Jacob was born.  The usual 3-people house now has Jacob and the additional nursemaid (at the risk of sounding stuck-up, I think this is the English equivalent of yaya).  On a daily basis the grandparents are also there to check on Jacob.  He is our first child and he is also the first grandchild of my parents and my in-laws, hence their excitement and interest.  The doting grandmas (Dolly and Carmen) are always carrying Jacob.  They get really frustrated if when arrive and the baby is asleep.  That is the reason why my parents come in the morning in time for Jacob's bath and my in-laws in the evening in time for Jacob's feeding.  A sure thing that he is awake.

Jacob, bless the kid, also knows the importance of his grandmas in the future (source of toys!) and he never acts up.  He just comfortably lies in their arms and just makes himself cute.  I usually quip that we check the grandparents' attendance and chide my mom when they're absent.

Good times.

The Scent of a Baby

One of the amazing things about babies is their scent. It's unlike the scent of colognes but it's equally, if not more, irressiistible. It is therefore one of my hobby to smell my son everytime I have the chance.

When I was a little kid, I used to get annoyed when my aunts and lolas kiss me at the same time sniffing me like they are vacuum cleaners. Now I know why they do it. There is something about the smell of the baby that you'd wish you have limitless breath so that you can just inhale their scent 'til kingdome come. It's a wonderful smell. I wish they could bottle this scent as a new perfume scent. Now that would be a big hit. We should call it the Scent of Innocence.

* Photo of Jacob Reyes was taken from the blog Anticipation by Carmela Reyes

New Skills

Jacob is now 2 weeks old. In that span of time I learned some few basics regarding how to take care of a baby. The easiest is carrying him. It's almost instinctive. Just support the head. Plus I have long arms so I don't worry about that. Next I learned how to feed the baby using the milk bottle. The pediatrician showed me how. He was probably thinking I suck at it and the best way is to show how it's done. It's really just a modified "carrying-the-baby-in-my-arm" kinda thing. The only difference is that the other hand should be free to hold the milk bottle. One major tip I got was to rotate or turn the bottle while the baby is feeding. I think it's because of the air inside the bottle but I really don't know why it should be done. I do it anyway. In connection, I know how to make the milk, it's just a one is to one ratio. Easy!

One of the things I dreaded was how to make the baby burp. They said it's important so that the baby will not have a bum stomach. But I was able to do it and when I heard the baby burped, it was like a big accomplishment. I was ecstatic.

However, there are more things that i should learn and do. I've been bugged by my friends to change the diaper. Specially now that "it" doesn't stink yet. For the information of people, I know how to change the diaper. I've seen it done and the diaper that we use is really easy to handle. It's just that I don't wanna do it. For now. We have people to do it for us. Giggle. I know, there is no excuse. I am planning to do it soon. I promise. I also want to learn how to bathe the baby. If I hack this last two, I can be left alone with Jacob already.

I am just lucky that I have a hands-on wife. She is great at taking care of my son. She even hardly sleeps because she is so devoted. She makes fatherhood easy for me.

Baby's Day Out

Today marks the day when Jacob forayed outside the house for the first time. We visited his pediatrician, Dr. Jetty Jet Lu. So it goes, everything is normal and nothing to worry about. This is one of the times that I really wish that nothing remarkable would happen. Providential.

We learned a very important information from Dr. Jet today. He advised us to remove the "corrales" beads that a lot of Filipino adorned their infant which we also have (now had) on Jacob. One of Dr. Jet's patient swallowed one of 'em beads and is now in the ICU for observation. The unfortunate baby is being observed for any brain damage because the beads blocked the air passage when he choked on it which caused the baby's brain to not get oxygen for some time. Scary.

Dear Jacob

Cha-cha (charter change, change in our Constitution) movement has resurrected yet again for the nth time, the "Alabang Boys" are all over the papers (they are the rich and prominent drug pusher kids who just got arrested), the current Speaker of the House of Representative is from our city (he's the 4th highest official of our country but I don't know why we are not so proud), a rich and powerful mayor from Lanao mauled a 14 year old kid and his dad over golf etiquette, Israel and the Hamas militants of Gaza are at war and are killing each other with missiles, and in sports, Olypic sprinter Usain Bolt was voted athlete of the year over Olympic multi-medalist swimmer Michael Phelps.

On the day that you were born these were the headlines on the news. I wish there were more bright and sunny news but that's how the world is. It is a sad fact that there is so much suffering around us. But I promise you, kid, that I will make sure that you will be prepared for the realities of life. It's not all rainbows and butterflies, it's not all rosy, but it's a world worth living, a world worth saving. I will heed the call of the Baron of Gilwell to try to make this world a little better than we have found it. For you.

But more than anything, Jacob, should we fail to make the world better for you, there is one thing that you can count on that will not fail. That is our love. My love. Your mom's love. We will do our best for you and most of all we will love you.

Welcome to the world, my son.

Lovingly,
Dad

Practice Makes Perfect

I was the epitome of coolness when my wife said that she is having some contraction. Interval was about 15 minutes, after all. In contrast my mom was very frantic and was telling us through text message to rush to the hospital soon. I ignored her and even had a light conversation with my wife about it. Somewhere along the way, coolness gave way to excitement. Still taking things in stride, I told my wife that I will take a bath first. I really took my time as I believe in my head that it's not yet going to happen. After taking a bath, I got dressed and we even watched Jeopardy.

I am not bothered that much but I am concerned about the inconvenience that my wife was being subjected into so I asked her if she wanted to got to the hospital already. She said yes. So I drove calmly (which is so unlike me) to San Pedro Hospital. I am not fond of being in hospitals but I gathered all my strength to be there for my wife. And when they wheeled her to the delivery room, I again faced another difficulty, that of bringing along my wife's lady bag. This is going to be tougher than I expected.

With my wife's cousin, I stayed at the waiting area of the delivery room. This was after I paid the deposit and brought all bags that was pre-prepared for this momentous moment. My wife's Obstetrician/Gynecologist came in to check on my wife. The doc said that my wife's definitely 4 centimeters now. I don't know though what is that thick or long. Doesn't matter as long as I am not the one measuring it. I was prepared to hear the doctor tell me to wait for a little while because my wife will be in labour for quite some time. To my surprise, the doctor said an entirely different thing. She said that we should go home. We're not having a baby anytime soon within the night.

So here I am, panting while climbing the stairs to make sure that everything is ok for our impending departure very soon because my wife still looks too pretty to be giving birth. I wonder how would that look like (while knocking on wood!) when she really is in labor. It took a little while and one thousand six hundred pesos before we can finally leave. Costly. But as they say, practice makes perfect. So this is super worth it. Now we just need to learn to be very precise in distinguising the labor pain and give in more to coolness and level headedness.

Oh well.

We'll nail this the next time.

My Usual Response

Nowadays, every time I chat with my friends through YM or on corridor chit chats, they always ask me about the impending birth of my baby.  Most of them ask if I am excited and of course I aver my excitement.  But I always respond that I am also scared.  One of my friends did not hesitate to advice me on what to do.  She said that we should be prepared with the bags for all our stuff so that we will have it all at a moment's notice.  I told her that we already are as prepared as we could however that was not I was scared about.  I am more scared on failing in my duty as a father, and to an extent a failure as a co-parent.  It's scares me because this little human being would depend on both my wife and I for everything, for his own life.

I am sure that if there is an evaluation on parenthood my wife will pass with flying colors, I don't think I could say the same for me.  I am not even sure if I am mature enough.  At 32 (very soon, 33) I don't think that I have mature enough to be a dad.  I am apprehensive but I am not terrified though.  They say that once this is thrust to us at the point of no return, all parental instincts will kick in and the compulsion to be the best for that little baby will be irresistible.

I believe that I will be prepared somehow and I promise to do my best because with this, there is no "try".  There is no turning back.  This needs a ton of prayers.

Any Day Now, I Can Feel It.

It's been a while since I last posted here. I wasn't able to share the excitement I had when I feel the baby move in my wife's tummy. It's weird at first, like an alien or something. But it feels great everytime the baby moves in the womb upon hearing my voice (or maybe I was just imagining it, I don't care). We also had a small scare because the baby was breeched in the second sonogram but thank God, the baby is not breech upon the next sonogram.

It's the first time that I am not looking forward to my birthday on the 21st and Christmas. Before, this time of year really gets me excited for those upcoming days. I am now looking forward to what comes after that, the birth of my baby boy. I am really excited. A little bit scared of the astounding responsibility of rearing a child. Having someone depend on me for his survival is humbling. I know, a little melodramatic, specially that I will not be alone. Carmela will be there.

Gut feel, I think this baby is not gonna wait for the due date of January 8 or 9. I think it's not even going to wait for the new year. But that's just me. Let's see if my son is going to make a liar out of me. Hehehe.

I keep on hearing people say that once one sees his/her kid, it's going to be love at first sight. I used to find that really corny. But now, I am so corny, I think I already am in love. I know it's cheesy. You know what's cheesier, I think I am going to burst into tears. My wife said that according to "studies", people tend to cry more easily when they become parents. And that people tend to get their heart broken easily. Argh. That sucks for someone like me who tend to dislike being heartbroken and who cries very rarely. It's one of those things that I have to embrace being a new dad.

Fish Ball

My 4-month pregnant wife has been craving for fish ball for how many weeks now. Not just any fish ball, the kind that is being sold in schools. Yes, the street food kind. She even went to her old high school to find one. But the then old reliable vendor is no longer there. I didn't really pay much attention to her craving because she did not ask for me to find her fish balls. I know it's a husband's duty to search the ends of the earth for what the pregnant wife is craving. Mea culpa. Today, however, she told me that she still hasn't been able to eat the fish balls she has been craving for a long time. so I told her that we'll try my old high school. I went to a public school so the likelihood to find fish ball there is higher than in her old private high school. Lo and behold, indeed, we found the much coveted prize.

Being nostalgic and all, I also bought some for myself. It's been a while since I've tasted fish balls (the street food variety) and I am pleasantly surprised that I enjoyed it. I'm really picky with what I eat and I usually go for the "sophisticated" foods. I love pasta, herby pizzas, etc. Not the usual Filipino food. Not very affordable, too. But having tasted the 5-peso fish ball, it made me realize one thing. I used to enjoy simple uncomplicated things. I may have morphed into this picky person that I am now, my palate, it seems, is still able to enjoy life's simple pleasures.

I've become the expensively demanding bloke that I am today and although I am contented (and sometimes proud) of that, this experience has urged me to also go back to my roots. No, not my high school. But my old simple self. The Ron who enjoyed simplicity. The Ron who was uncomplicated. The Ron who enjoyed (and still enjoys) fish balls, the street food variety.

After writing this, I am closing my expensively complicated MacBook and buy me some more fish balls. The inexpensively simple fish ball.

Doctor's Appointment #1

I went on half-day leave from work today to accompany my wife to the OB-GYN. Since it's the first doctor's appointment after we found out about the pregnancy, I find it very important to be there lest I be accused as not excited, absentee or worse irresponsible. Specially because I am very excited and I will do my best to not be irresponsible and I want to be always there, for my wife and my future kids.

Anyway, we were eighth in line and doctor is an hour late. So we decided to go to a nearby coffee shop to wait. We called the clinic for a couple of times before it was confirmed that the doctor is already in and interviewing patient #3. I dropped Carmela at the entrance of UM Multitest Center then proceeded to search for a parking space in the crowded downtown area. After I circumnavigated the block, I found a perfect spot near Mandaya hotel. Then I walked what seemed to my gout ridden feet, a mile to the clinic. Under the heat of the sun coupled with my 220-pound frame, it was not a pleasant walk. All for my future kid, I said to myself.

I reconfirmed that I am a very impatient man because I was already anxious waiting for our turn in spite of being just the third in line already. When it was our turn I was half expecting fireworks because that was how my heart felt since last Saturday.

Unfortunately, I learned today, this was just an ordinary day for an obstetrician/gynecologist. The doctor seemed not to share my heart's excited pounding. She just matter-of-factly asked my wife about her medical history and of her family. Yeah, I did not even count. Anway, she proceeded to prescribe a folic acid/folate (something) medicine and supplement. She just lackadaisically explained to my wife what she can expect and what she will experience in the coming months. Again, I was just treated as a wallflower. She also checked her crystal ball (or some chart) and told my wife that her tentative due date is January 9, 2009.

And that was it. No ultrasound and no looking at any monitor. Well, I was told that it is not yet needed as of the moment. So I would just have to take this non-event and somehow encapsulate my excitement with it. I guess I should be happy because this ho-hum event means that everything is normal. And I can't ask for more.