Wednesday, December 17, 2008

My Usual Response

Nowadays, every time I chat with my friends through YM or on corridor chit chats, they always ask me about the impending birth of my baby.  Most of them ask if I am excited and of course I aver my excitement.  But I always respond that I am also scared.  One of my friends did not hesitate to advice me on what to do.  She said that we should be prepared with the bags for all our stuff so that we will have it all at a moment's notice.  I told her that we already are as prepared as we could however that was not I was scared about.  I am more scared on failing in my duty as a father, and to an extent a failure as a co-parent.  It's scares me because this little human being would depend on both my wife and I for everything, for his own life.

I am sure that if there is an evaluation on parenthood my wife will pass with flying colors, I don't think I could say the same for me.  I am not even sure if I am mature enough.  At 32 (very soon, 33) I don't think that I have mature enough to be a dad.  I am apprehensive but I am not terrified though.  They say that once this is thrust to us at the point of no return, all parental instincts will kick in and the compulsion to be the best for that little baby will be irresistible.

I believe that I will be prepared somehow and I promise to do my best because with this, there is no "try".  There is no turning back.  This needs a ton of prayers.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Any Day Now, I Can Feel It.

It's been a while since I last posted here. I wasn't able to share the excitement I had when I feel the baby move in my wife's tummy. It's weird at first, like an alien or something. But it feels great everytime the baby moves in the womb upon hearing my voice (or maybe I was just imagining it, I don't care). We also had a small scare because the baby was breeched in the second sonogram but thank God, the baby is not breech upon the next sonogram.

It's the first time that I am not looking forward to my birthday on the 21st and Christmas. Before, this time of year really gets me excited for those upcoming days. I am now looking forward to what comes after that, the birth of my baby boy. I am really excited. A little bit scared of the astounding responsibility of rearing a child. Having someone depend on me for his survival is humbling. I know, a little melodramatic, specially that I will not be alone. Carmela will be there.

Gut feel, I think this baby is not gonna wait for the due date of January 8 or 9. I think it's not even going to wait for the new year. But that's just me. Let's see if my son is going to make a liar out of me. Hehehe.

I keep on hearing people say that once one sees his/her kid, it's going to be love at first sight. I used to find that really corny. But now, I am so corny, I think I already am in love. I know it's cheesy. You know what's cheesier, I think I am going to burst into tears. My wife said that according to "studies", people tend to cry more easily when they become parents. And that people tend to get their heart broken easily. Argh. That sucks for someone like me who tend to dislike being heartbroken and who cries very rarely. It's one of those things that I have to embrace being a new dad.